


not funny

by bareunloveliness



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Cringe, Cringe/Comfort, Drinking, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Is that a thing, M/M, Multi, Smoking, bruh idk, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29527152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bareunloveliness/pseuds/bareunloveliness
Summary: Inspired by a line from mariuscourf's fic "you won't believe which of these relationships enjolras's boss thinks are real!!""[Enjolras] even went to open mic nights for the three weeks Marius Pontmercy attempted standup, although whether that was for genuine support or because, well, Marius attempting standup comedy was a train wreck you couldn’t take your eyes off of, Grantaire wasn’t sure."
Relationships: Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Les Misérables), Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	not funny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mariuscourf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariuscourf/gifts).
  * Inspired by [you won't believe which of these relationships enjolras's boss thinks are real!!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733048) by [mariuscourf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariuscourf/pseuds/mariuscourf). 



> i have written tens of thousands of words of angst and pain and whumps and enjoltaire just being really upset and hurting each other and being hurt and this was harder to write because of the cringe. happy ending though. for lo and jamie. takes place post covid i guess.

When Marius Pontmercy asked his friends to meet him at Gorbeau's, a local comedy club, he was shaking, and rightfully so. All of them had arrived, and promptly too— even Enjolras, the stoic leader with a vague dislike of Marius was there in support. Or in disgust. One of the two, but he was present.

The only person who had seen his set before was his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, and maybe Courfeyrac if he was listening from the other side of the door. Notecards felt almost damp in his hands, he was sweating so profusely. 

"And next up," the elderly lesbian who ran the joint announced into an almost broken microphone, "Marius Pontmercy, for the first time on our humble stage."

He entered, blinded instantly by the bright lights, but greeted by whoops and shouts from his friends.

"Fuck yeah, Pontmercy!" Bahorel bellowed, and it somehow made him feel better. It was better than entering the room in silence, Marius supposed.

"Hey guys," he started, the microphone buzzing with feedback. "I just wanted to thank you all for being here for me. Tonight I'm going to try something a little different, and I'll be roasting my friends tonight, all nine of which are in the front row."

"This is going to be a trainwreck," Grantaire whispered to Joly, who jabbed at him with his cane. Marius, thankfully, did not hear this comment, or he might have fainted.

"My friend Bossuet, the bald one on the left, is the unluckiest man I've ever met in my life," Marius began. "In fact, he's so unlucky that ladders walk under  _ him _ and get cursed."

Bossuet laughed. Loudly. Which was good, because nobody else did.

Marius flipped to his next card. "Grantaire is– Grantaire is such an alcoholic that—" and as if on cue, but he's not skilled enough to have planned a gag with this, Marius drops the cards.

"If you finish that joke, I will punt you so hard you land in Waterloo!" Grantaire warned with a playful grin as Marius swept up the cards, which were now all out of order. Figures.

"Noted!" The nervous ginger said, crumbling up the card when he found it. "Haha, get it? Because it's a note card?"

Jehan, bless him, gave a small chuckle out of pity. 

"Combeferre, what a legend, is so bad at texting," Marius tried to continue. "He's actually missed so many signals sent to him via emojis that he started studying hidrogliphics and, um…." Shuffling through the cards, Marius couldn't find the one with the punchline, and with bright lights shining down on his freckled face, he couldn't think of it.

Courfeyrac took a long sip of his drink. "This is going downhill fast," he muttered to Combeferre, and unfortunately, Marius did hear that one. He had to think on his feet. Which was possible, since he was standing up.

"This is going downhill fast...." he repeated. "Which is what France said when Enjolras elected himself leader of the revolution."

This earned a laugh, particularly from Grantaire, but better yet, it earned sputtering anger from the blond. "It was a fair election!"

He was back on track. This was good. People were laughing.  _ Keep going _ , the voice in his head told him. "Do you guys remember that pandemic a few years ago? That shit sucked. Especially the hand-sanitizer shortage when it started? I remember that Grantaire was panicking. He was like, 'How am I supposed to get trashed for two dollars at a  _ Bath and Body Works _ now?'"

Uproarious laughter. It was working. Pandemic related humor, okay. "Enjolras was delighted though, and not just because Grantaire was miserable, but because he could actively shame other people for not contributing to the greater good, which was basically his only hobby at that point other than searching Instagram for vintage red jackets that make it look like he's not trying."

Enjolras laughed. Enjolras fucking laughed. If Marius could make Enjolras laugh then Marius could fight God and win.

The Enjolras and Grantaire humor was going well, but it was too easy. The two were the most dysfunctional people that Marius knew. He couldn't be successful off of cheap shots.

"You know what the difference between Joly and Jehan is?" Marius said, taking the mic off of the stand comfortably. "Three to four letters."

The laughter began to die down.  _ Shit, fuck, shit. _

"So the other day, Bahorel got so high, right, which never happens because he's built like a McDonald's play house," this earned a scatter of laughter, thankfully, "but it hit all at once. An edible or something, I guess, I don't know. There's a chance that there was weed in the brownies that Eponine brought us, or he was already high and just wanted to munch on the brownies? I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, he was so high that he just. Stared at the wall for like, hours. It was about as interesting as hearing Feuilly's tragic backstory for the sixth time in a week."

Dark, but Grantaire laughed. So did Feuilly, but that may have been out of kindness. Or pity. Or anger. Marius wasn't dwelling on it.

He glanced offstage to the elderly lesbian who he knew and loved, who tapped her wrist in warning. He had to wrap it up. 

Marius crumbled up the next notecard, a Courfeyrac anecdote about this girl who had spent the night and refused to leave. Probably for the best.

He needed a strong finale. Considering in a very incorrect split-second calculation, he realized that his Grantaire humor landed the best.  
"So, Grantaire, quick question for you," he said, leaning against his stool with an air of comfort that he was not entitled to feel. "Are you an alcoholic because your parents kicked you out or because you're in love with Enjolras?"

Dead. Silence.

He willed someone to say something, particularly Enjolras, but nothing.

_ Keep talking _ , Marius's stupid fucking mind told him.  _ If you keep talking, you will dig yourself out of this hole. _

"How did they kick you out? Did you say you were bisexual or Enjolrasexual and they just lost it?"

Grantaire lept up towards the stage, arms swinging, and Marius had to thank whatever deity would listen that Bahorel was sitting next to the brunet as he was the only one there with the strength to restrain him.

"Let me at him! Just one punch!" 

"Everyone drive safe," Marius mumbled as he fled off the stage. Courfeyrac went after him as Bahorel was pulling Grantaire outside.

"Gimme my fucking drink! Nothing that Ron Wesley looking motherfucker can hurt me if I forget it tomorrow!" He called out, not particularly opposed to the being physically pulled outside as long as he had a drink in his hand. Joly pressed the beer bottle into his palm like a true friend.

Once outside, Grantaire stopped shouting curses against Marius and simply sat in silence. He didn't even drink his beer. Bahorel had nothing to say. There was nothing to say to fix the situation. Grantaire didn't even remember  _ telling _ Marius about his feelings for Enjolras; but then again, he didn't remember a lot those days.

Inside, Enjolras pulled back on his jacket. "Are you sure you should go after him?" Combeferre asked quietly, resting a hand on Enjolras's arm.

"I've never been more sure about anything." Enjolras muttered, escaping from the room. The rest of the friends started heading out, but Combeferre stayed for Courfeyrac who was comforting Marius.

Outside, Bahorel had lit a cigarette for Grantaire, who felt almost nothing. He should feel more. He felt bad about not feeling. As Enjolras came outside, instantly recongnizable by his admittedly vintage red jacket, Bahorel nodded. "I'm gonna head home. See you guys." He said, understanding when he was and was not encouraged to linger.

"Great fucking comedy, huh?" Grantaire said bitterly. "Bet you learned a lot that you didn't know."

"I did," Enjolras sniffled. "I didn't know that your parents kicked you out."

Grantaire paused, more than a little shocked as he took a drag. "Yeah. When I graduated high school. And that might be why I'm an alcoholic, fuck if I know. Isn't that kind of thing supposed to be off limits for comedy? Like, punching up? Or only joking about your own trauma? Not that I have trauma. But it's not funny to joke about someone's feelings."

"Okay, first of all, you definitely have trauma," Enjolras said, leaning onto the brick wall of Gorbeau's. "Second of all, I was convinced that if anyone in the group was going into standup, it would have been you. I was convinced you were just absolutely full of jokes."

"What are you talking about?"

"Every time you flirted with me. Every time you made some crude comment about me. Every time your hand lingered on mine or you said you were going to rig Spin the fucking Bottle." Enjolras confessed all at once. "I thought you were joking."

"When you lay it all out like that, it's kind of embarrassing, thanks." Grantaire snorted. "But no. Not once."

"Good. It wouldn't have been funny if you were."

"And why is that?"

"It's not funny to joke about someone's feelings."

Grantaire looked up at him, eyes a little wide. "Enjolras, what are you saying?"

Enjolars's eyes flickered to Grantaire's lips, which fell slightly open in invitation. When Enjolras looked back into Grantaire's gorgeous green eyes, all he could see was admiration. Pressing two hands around the back of Grantire's head, Enjolras leaned down and kissed him, as he had been thinking of doing for as long as they had known each other.

"That's not funny." Grantaire said breathlessly when they pulled away.

"Wasn't meant to be."

****************

"You know what, babe?" Courfeyrac said, slurring, once he had returned from comforting Marius and getting him a ride home. "I don't think it's weird that you like hidrogliphics." 

Combeferre stifled a laugh, generally unbothered. "I don't think it's weird either, my love."

Tears almost came to Courfeyrac's eyes. "Why would he say that?"

**Author's Note:**

> a cut joke about the pandemic was "not much has changed for grantaire, he's always wearing a mask anyway".


End file.
